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I don’t have to tell you that there is much confusion and controversy surrounding these issues, so our plan is to look closely at the key passages in the Bible on this subject in order that we might all have a better understanding of God’s will in these matters.
Genesis 2:18-25
We begin in Genesis 2:18-25, where we read of the origin, design, and establishment of marriage by God. It was the sixth day of creation when God had made the first man, Adam, from the dust of the ground but had not yet made the woman. Let’s read it together and notice:
The man needed a helper (vv. 18-20). When you read Genesis 1 & 2, the words of 2:18 hit abruptly: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Throughout chapter one, God surveys His work and pronounces it good (1:10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). This is the first time God says that something in His creation is not good. It is not that the man was not good but that it was not good for him to be alone.
He needed a helper. Not just any helper would do. None of the animals that God brought before Adam to name would do. No, Adam needed “a helper comparable to him.” The term translated “comparable to him” speaks of a counterpart, copartner, and companion to the man, corresponding to him, an alter ego suitable for him, supplementing or completing him.
God made the woman (vv. 21-23). Here we read of God performing the very first surgery. He put the man under anesthesia, removed “one of his ribs,” and then closed his side.
God then made this rib He had taken from the man into a woman. She was not made directly from the dust of the ground like the man (Gen 2:7), but rather directly from the man’s rib.
Finally, God brought her to the man just as he had previously brought the beasts and the birds. Adam immediately recognized that she was not like the animals that he had named. No, she was like him, as he said, “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh.” She was the same kind of being as he, a human being. That is why he named her woman. The Hebrew term for man is “ish” and for woman is “isha” (that is “ish” with a feminine ending). Genesis 1:27 tells us that God made man both male and female and here in chapter 2 we see how it was done by God. All this now brings us to our final point.
The two became one (vv. 24-25). In verse 24, Moses pauses the narrative to draw a conclusion. It would be like watching something on television and someone pushes the pause button to make a statement about it. Here Moses laid down the foundation for the establishment of the divine institution of marriage for all people of all ages.
What is said here was not just for Adam, as it mentions leaving father and mother which he did not have. We can also read what Jesus said about this verse in Matthew 19:4-6. When the Pharisees, a Jewish sect of His day, came to ask Him about divorce, Jesus went directly to Genesis 2:24 to answer their question, indicating that what was said there was applicable to all people from the beginning until His day. Jesus also attributed these words to God Himself and added His own words making a further application of it for us all who live in this final age of the gospel of Jesus Christ which will continue until the end of the world.
Marriage involves three things: 1) a leaving. This implies an intention to establish one’s own new home that must take priority over one’s former home. 2) a joining. The term translated “joined” means to cling to; adhere. This speaks of an exclusive, continual, and unbreakable commitment to each other as husband and wife. 3) a uniting. The phrase “one flesh” should not be taken literally, as it is used by Paul to speak of sexual relations in 1 Cor. 6:15-17 and it is clear that sexual relations don’t make a marriage, but as a metaphor for marriage because the union is so close, intimate, and inseparable it is as though the two are one body or one person. As we read before what Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” God is the One that unites a man and a woman in marriage, not the preacher or the justice who may pronounce them married. No man has authority of his own, nor court or decree of man has the authority of its own, to separate a marriage.
In verse 25, Moses returns to the narrative. This verse speaks of the innocence of the man and the woman before partaking of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It also reminds us that intimate sexual relationships are not shameful in marriage, but only when such conduct is performed outside of marriage (cf. 1 Cor. 7:1-5; Heb. 13:4).
Here are four things I want you to take from this lesson: 1) Marriage is “good,” though sometimes it is “better” to remain unmarried (1 Cor. 7). 2) Marriage is the union of one man and one woman. Anything different from that, such as polygamy or a homosexual union, is a perversion of God’s design for marriage from the beginning. 3) The woman is not inferior to the man – they are equals, both human beings created in the image of God. But the man is the head of the woman as is evidenced by these four things – the man was made before the woman, the woman was made for and of the man, the man named the woman. Each of these things emphasize the authority of the man over the woman as is argued by the apostle Paul in the New Testament (1 Cor. 11:3-12; 14:34-35; Eph. 5:21-33; Colossians 3:18; 1 Timothy 2:8-15). 4) Marriage is a covenant (contract, agreement) made between a man and a woman before God (Mal. 2:14; Pro. 2:17).
Marriage was born in a world without sin, but it strives to survive in a world of sin. As we continue this study, we will see how that the Bible addresses the effect of sin upon marriage and applies the law of God concerning marriage to Israel under the law of Moses and to all who live in this age of the gospel. But before we leave this message there is one more thing I must say. It comes from the apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33 where he teaches us that marriage is more than the foundation for our society, it is a picture of Christ and His church. Christ loved us and sacrificed His very life to make us His bride. We are drawn to Him and leave our former life to make a new life with Him. When you put your faith in Christ as Lord and Savior, the Son of God, turn from sin, and upon your confession of that faith are immersed for the remission of your sins – God unites you to Christ. Have you committed yourself to Jesus as His bride? He wants you to become one with Him. Don’t reject His proposal. Are you faithful to Him as the bride of Christ? Hear His plea to come back home to Him. Don’t harden your heart, come to Him, today!
Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 5:31-32, & 19:3-9
The words of Matthew 5:31-32 come from Jesus’ famous sermon on the mount. Jesus began His sermon emphasizing the heartbeat of His kingdom, describing the heart of those who make up His kingdom – the humble, penitent, obedient, those craving righteousness, the merciful, pure, peacemakers, those persecuted for Christ’s sake. Jesus spoke of their impact upon the world as a preserving influence shining the light of Christ so that God might be glorified. Then, He began to specifically help them to see what true righteousness really looks like. This was necessary because the scribes and Pharisees, the Jewish leaders of His day, had completely corrupted the law that God had given them through Moses. Jesus explained that He had not come to destroy the law but to fulfill it. It had pointed to Him, His new kingdom, His new covenant. Jesus gave six statements that begin with the phrase “you have heard that it was said” and then adds “but I say to you” drawing a clear contrast between what the scribes and Pharisees taught about the law and what He would teach about the law. Matthew 5:31-32 is the third of these statements.
God’s law through Moses was not intended to encourage divorce but to discourage it. Jesus said, “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’” (Mat. 5:31). This was an allusion to Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Many of the Jewish leaders understood this law to authorize divorce for any cause, but it was actually intended to discourage divorce. Notice, the law did not command, institute, endorse, approve, authorize divorce but it regulated divorce in order to discourage it and to protect the women who were being divorced. According to the law, if a man divorced his wife, she married another man, and he divorced her or he died, her first husband could not take her back again to be his wife. The law called this an “abomination” and “sin” because the woman who was divorced and remarried “has been defiled.” Elsewhere in the law, the word “defiled” was used to describe one who is guilty of adultery (Lev. 18:20; Num. 5:13-14). This should have caused the man to think twice about divorcing his wife knowing that he was causing her to commit adultery and that he could never take her back again after she remarried. “Far from providing authority for divorce, Deuteronomy 24 was intended to be a limitation on divorce—an attempt to minimize and lessen its frequency. In the process, it served as a measure designed to address the mistreatment of women: ‘It prevented the husband from later claiming rights over this ex-wife.’” (Dave Miller quoting Jack Lewis, “Did Jesus Disagree With Moses On Divorce?” Apologetics Press)
Jesus applied the true meaning of the law to all people, emphasizing the only lawful reason for divorce. Jesus said, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Mat. 5:32). Here Jesus makes it clear that those men who divorced their wives were actually causing their wives and those who married them to commit adultery. There was only one exception to the rule: sexual immorality.
We learn more about Jesus’ teaching on this matter in Matthew 19:3-12. Notice: 1) Jesus made it clear that the idea that one could divorce his wife for any reason was inconsistent with what God had said in the beginning. Nobody has the right to separate what God has joined together, unless He gives His approval to do so. This coincides with Malachi 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce.” 2) The Jews were hard hearted (i.e., impenitent, rebellious). They were divorcing their wives in disobedience to God’s will. God didn’t stop them from divorcing their wives, but He did try to discourage it with the legislation in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. 3) Jesus’ use of the perfect tense in Matthew 19:8 indicates that the idea that one could divorce his wife for every cause has not been so from the beginning until now. God’s law from the beginning regarding marriage has never been abrogated nor superseded, but continues in force. In other words, the sole exception, the only ground for legitimate divorce from the Garden of Eden to our present day, has always been sexual immorality.
Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Mat. 19:9). Notice exactly what Jesus said: 1) “And I say unto you.” It is His words, not just the words of Moses. 2) He said, “Whosoever.” This law is not just for Israel but for anyone and everyone in the world. 3) He said, “except.” That means for this reason and only for this reason, there are no other exceptions. 4) He said, “for sexual immorality.” That means “every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse” (BDAG). It is to “know” another in the biblical sense of the word, including a heterosexual, homosexual, or bestial relationship. 5) He said, “commits adultery." Some want to get around what Jesus says by trying to redefine adultery as mere covenant breaking. They tell us that adultery is simply divorcing and remarrying, and once remarried the man and the woman can stay in the second marriage without committing adultery. Nothing could be further from the truth (cf. Heb. 13:4). The word adultery always refers to sexual activity by a married person with someone other than that person’s spouse (except when it is used figuratively of God’s people being unfaithful to Him by going after other gods). Consider the woman “caught in adultery, in the very act” (John 8:4). Was she caught divorcing and remarrying somebody? No! We know what she was caught doing! She was caught having sex with someone other than her husband. Notice also that Jesus spoke of a divorce that was not for sexual immorality; therefore, the remarriage was in violation of His law. Therefore, any sexual relations between the man and the woman in such an unlawful marriage would constitute adultery. Jesus uses the aorist tense (point action) when speaking of divorce and remarriage, but the present tense (continual action) when speaking of adultery. Do you remember what John told Herod about his marriage to his brother Philip’s wife? Mark 6:18 “For John had said to Herod, 'It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife.'” He did not just say it was unlawful for him to divorce his wife and marry his brother’s, but to have her. He couldn’t stay in that relationship because it was unlawful. Why? Because she wasn’t his wife, she was his brother’s wife. She was still bound in marriage by God to Philip. Herod should have given her up because she did not belong to him. In a similar manner, if we violate Jesus’ law of divorce and remarriage, and if we truly want to repent and be right with God, we cannot continue in the unlawful marriage (cf. Rom. 7:2-3).
The disciples of Jesus reacted to His law. His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry" (Mat. 19:10). They were taken back by the strictness of Jesus’ law and argued it would be better not to marry than to have no way out of a marriage, except for sexual immorality. Many today still find Jesus’ law difficult to accept. But the disciples’ suggestion to not marry is even more difficult for most.
Jesus responded to their reaction. "But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it'" (Mat. 19:11-12). Jesus pointed out that though some might be able to accept their argument that it is better not to marry, for others that is not an option they can accept. We already learned from Genesis 2 how that in the beginning God created the woman for the man because it was not good for him to be alone. Only some men are born impotent, others may be operated on by men, and still others may exercise self-control in this regard for the sake of God’s kingdom (Paul did so and discusses this in 1 Corinthians 7). But for most it is better to marry. Notice also that the objection of the disciples did not cause Jesus to change His law and make it less restrictive. If we are going to marry, we must abide by His law.
It may be that you are in an unlawful marriage and are guilty of adultery. God teaches you to repent, get out of it, and get right with God (cf. Mat. 14:4). It may be that you are divorced. God teaches you to remain unmarried and if possible be reconciled to your spouse (cf. 1 Cor. 7:10-11). It may be that you are married. God teaches you to prevent divorce by fulfilling your responsibilities to your spouse (cf. Eph. 5:22-33). The most important thing that any of us can do is to keep God in the center of our homes and Jesus as Lord of our hearts and our life.
As long as we remain hard-hearted and refuse to repent, we will find ourselves at odds with God and continually headed into destruction (Luke 13:3). Whoever you are you can know that God loves you (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8). There is help and hope for those who will come humbly and trust God with their broken lives. Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart-These, O God, You will not despise.” Day by day, year by year He is able to help you put the pieces back together again and to build a new life. We must continue to speak the truth in love, because it is only the truth that can set us free from sin and bless our lives.
1 Corinthians 7:1-40
In this chapter Paul gave concessions, commands, and judgments. He also talked about what he wishes for us, and about what is good and what is better. We must be careful: 1) to distinguish between these things, and 2) also recognize that what Paul wrote in this chapter is not human opinion, but the words of a God-inspired apostle of Jesus Christ (1:1; 14:37; cf. 7:6-10, 17, 19, 25-26, 28, 35-40). As “All Scripture,” 1 Corinthians 7 “is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
Verses 1-9
This chapter is part of a letter by Paul to the troubled church in Corinth written in response to a letter they had written to him. We do not have that letter so when we read Paul’s response it is kind of like listening to one side of a phone conversation. You can only surmise what was in their letter by what Paul said in his. Sometimes it appears that he is quoting what they said in their letter and then commenting on it. Notice, verse 1, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch [euphemism for sexual intercourse] a woman.” Apparently, the Corinthian brethren were encouraging celibacy. Here is Paul’s response.
Paul pointed out the sin of sexual immorality that is often associated with celibacy (v. 2a). This has been particularly demonstrated in churches that require celibacy. Horrible stories have been reported in the past of babies born out of wedlock hidden in the walls of these churches. Still today we have seen how that such places often become breeding grounds for homosexuality and pedophilia. The apostle Paul warned that “some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry” (1 Tim. 4:1-3). Sexual immoralities (Greek is plural) are one of the evil consequences of such a practice.
Paul told them to allow a man and a woman to fulfill their desires for one another in marriage, but he did not command marriage (vv. 2b-6). God said from the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). That is why God made the woman for the man and brought them together as husband and wife (vv. 21-24). Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
It appears that the Corinthian brethren were arguing for celibacy even for those who were married, but Paul reminded them that the husband and wife belong to each other and that they must not deprive one another. This does not allow mates to exploit or abuse one another sexually but calls for mutual consideration. Each one should seek to understand and to fulfill the needs of the other. It must not be what do I want, but what does my mate need from me. This makes their coming together a blessed and beautiful expression of their love and care for one another that will only strengthen their bond as husband and wife.
Paul did give an exception here: “except by consent.” There were qualifications put on this consent: 1) “for a time” – this is not for an indefinite undecided period but a fixed, definite time that both agree upon. 2) “that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer” – this is for a greater spiritual purpose, not upon our own whims. Marriage is important but our relationship with God is even more important. Of course, there are health problems and other things beyond our control that might keep a husband and wife from coming together but Paul is speaking generally here. 3) “and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” – this is not to be a permanent separation.
These words from Paul are still quite relevant today. In our busy world, we must be careful not to forget or neglect our marriages in this regard. Also, do not misunderstand Paul. He did not command anyone to get married, nor did he command anyone to deprive their spouse for a time of fasting and prayer. But if you choose to marry or need to take time for fasting and prayer, you may. Both things are permitted but no one is bound to do either. Paul made it clear, “I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.”
Paul wished that all were willing and able like him to remain celibate (v. 7). When Paul wrote this letter, he was single. He may have been married before (cf. Acts 26:10 may indicate he was a member of the Sanhedrin council, and such members were normally married). If so, he was divorced or a widow when he wrote this letter.
Later in this chapter Paul explained why he desired this for them all (vv. 25-40). Here he shared his inspired wisdom; he was advising them about what would be good for them, but still allowing them to make their own decision in this matter (vv. 25, 40). He expressly said that whether they chose to marry or not to marry they did not sin (vv. 28, 36).
There were two reasons why he advised them against marriage: 1) He wanted to spare them trouble in the flesh during the present distress (vv. 26-28). This is a reference to persecution that would be even more painful to endure for those who were married. If one were on his own, he would not suffer any anguish over a wife, or children that he might have in that marriage. 2) He wanted them to be without care to serve the Lord without distraction (vv. 29-40). He reminded them that their time here was short; that they should consider nothing here as permanent; that they should live their lives for the Lord. The married are at a disadvantage in this regard: “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife” (vv. 32-33). He added, “And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction” (v. 35). And to the widow he said, “she is happier if she remains as she is [i.e., unmarried]” (v. 40).
These are still good arguments to be made for living a celibate life, and those who choose to do so for the Lord’s sake should be highly commended for their sacrifice and their dedication to Christ. But as we may learn from Jesus in Matthew 19: 10-12, and as Paul admitted here in our text, not everyone is gifted to forgo marriage.
Paul agreed with the Corinthian brethren that it is “good” for the unmarried and the widows to remain celibate, but he also concludes that it is “better” to marry than to burn with passion. The phrase “with passion” is not in the Greek but added here by the NKJV (as is indicated by the italics) to give the sense of this passage. It brings us back to where he began with the problem of sexual immorality. If their lust (which can powerfully rage within) cannot be kept in check, let them marry. It is not sinful to marry but it is sinful to commit sexual immorality. Therefore, marriage is the better (more advantageous) choice for them. Consider Paul’s advice to the younger widows to marry because they desire to marry and lest they become idle, gossips, and busybodies (1 Tim. 5:11-15).
Some individuals have taken Paul’s words here out of context and misapplied this passage to justify entering and remaining in unlawful marriages. They argue that though Jesus said to divorce (without the exception for fornication) and remarry is adultery, Paul said it is better for them to marry than to burn with passion. It is a foolish mistake to set Paul against Jesus. Adultery is no better than sexual immorality. Both are sin. No man, not even an apostle like Paul, has the right to set aside Jesus’ law. Rather, Paul’s words must be qualified by Jesus’ law of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. If not, it becomes completely irrelevant and unnecessary. Can we use our lack of self-control to justify gluttony, rape, or murder? Of course, not. So then how can we use it to justify what Jesus calls adultery? “Just go ahead, divorce, marry somebody else, even if you violate Jesus’ law because Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” “Certainly not! Indeed, let God be true but every man a liar” (Rom. 3:9).
Verses 10-16
Let’s first notice the way Paul began this section “Now to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord.” Paul simply wanted them to know that what he was writing here, the Lord had already spoken Himself when He was on the earth. Jesus clearly taught that a husband and wife are not to “separate” (Mat. 19:6, Gk. chorizo). Jesus used the same word that Paul used in this passage translated “depart.” The word means “to place room between, i.e. part; reflexively, to go away:--depart, put asunder, separate” (Strong’s Greek). This word not only includes leaving/deserting a spouse but also divorcing (Gk. apoluo “from apo and luo; to free fully, i.e. (literally) relieve, release, dismiss (reflexively, depart), or (figuratively) let die, pardon or (specially) divorce -- (let) depart, dismiss, divorce, forgive, let go, loose, put (send) away, release, set at liberty” and apostasion “neuter of a (presumed) adjective from a derivative of aphistemi; properly, something separative, i.e. (specially) divorce -- (writing of) divorcement”) (Strong’s Greek) a spouse (that was the subject of Jesus’ discussion in Matthew 19:3-12). Paul also used another word translated “divorce” (Gk. aphiemi). This word comes from apo and hiemi, which means “(to send; an intensive form of eimi), to go; to send forth, in various applications including forsake, leave, put (send) away” (Strong’s Greek). So, we have several different words which may be used for leaving/deserting, putting away, or divorcing one’s spouse. What did Paul say about these things?
A wife is not to “depart” from her husband and a husband is not to “divorce” his wife (vv. 10-11). To do so (without the exception of sexual immorality that Jesus gave in Matthew 19:9) is sin. Some have the idea that they can separate, leave, put away, or divorce their mate as long as they don’t marry another, but Paul made it clear that all of these things are forbidden by God, just as Jesus had taught when He said, “what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mat. 19:6).
But what should such a person do if he has already committed such sin? “[R]emain unmarried (i.e., to anyone else) or (i.e., and make every effort possible to) be reconciled to her husband (indicating she is still bound to him as his wife by God's law)." As we learn from Romans 7:2-3, such persons are still bound to each other as husband and wife by God’s law of marriage and to contract another marriage would be to commit the further sin of adultery and undermine any hopes for reconciliation.
Let me take just a moment to address some who have misunderstood or misapplied these verses to those who are abused in their marriages. Such people may call upon the government to have their spouse arrested. Some out of self defense may have to leave the house and/or hide from their abusers. They may have to harm, even kill their abusers in an act of self-defense. Paul’s words did not forbid someone from protecting themselves but from ever “walking out” on their marriage (i.e., being husband or wife to your spouse). Even if you are being abused you must never give up on your marriage but continue to pray for, do what you can for, and try to get help for your abusive spouse and your marriage.
A Christian is not allowed to “divorce” a non-Christian if the non-Christian is willing to live with the Christian (vv. 12-14). Notice, Paul began this section differently than he did in the previous section. Instead of “Now to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord”, he wrote, “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say.” Jesus did not speak of the things Paul discussed here when He was on the earth. This does not mean that what Paul said is not from the Lord because Paul is writing as an apostle to whom Jesus had by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit revealed these things (1 Cor. 1:1; 14:37; cf. Gal. 1:1, 11-12). Paul’s words here are just as true and authoritative as what Jesus taught while on earth. Paul did not and could not contradict what Jesus had already spoken, but simply provided us with additional information from the Lord as he did in all his inspired writings. Notice, these words are directed “to the rest,” that is the rest of the married which are identified as believers married to unbelievers (i.e., Christians married to non-Christians, cf. vv. 14-16 – brother, saved vs unbeliever; 1 Cor. 6:6; 10:27; 14:22-24 church vs unbeliever vs convicted, converted, worshipper). Not all who believe are Christians but only true believers who have obeyed the gospel repenting of their sins, confessing their faith, and being baptized for the remission of sins (Mat. 28:19; Mark 16:15-16; John 3:5; 12:42-43; Acts 2:38-41, 47; 11:26; 22:16; 26:27-29; Rom. 6:3-4; 1 Cor. 12:13; Gal. 3:26-27; 1 Pet. 4:16). Such marriages did not exist while Jesus was on the earth which may explain why He did not specifically speak to such marriages.
Paul taught that a Christian is not allowed to leave/desert, put away, or divorce a non-Christian if the non-Christian is willing to live with the Christian. God’s law for marriage, divorce, and remarriage is just the same for these marriages as for all others. Marriage was instituted from the beginning for all people, long before Christians and the church. It is not an institution just for the church but for all of society. When Paul said that a Christian is not permitted to leave the non-Christian, this implied that the marriage was recognized and acceptable to God. If a marriage is acceptable, then so are the children of such a marriage. As Paul added, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy” (v. 14). The Christian is God’s means of calling by the gospel the non-Christian spouse and the children unto Himself in faith. However, Paul realized that the non-Christian may not be content to live with the Christian and may attempt to leave the marriage. What then?
If a non-Christian “departs,” the Christian is to let him depart; the Christian is “not under bondage” in such cases (vv. 15-16). Under these circumstances, the Christian is to allow the non-Christian to depart the marriage; he is not enslaved to the non-Christian. He must not compromise his faith to persuade the non-Christian to stay with him nor should the Christian in any way force the non-Christian to remain in the marriage. The Christian has been called by God to live in peace and cannot know whether he will be able to save the non-Christian.
This does not mean that the Christian is no longer bound in marriage to the non-Christian, and thus, free to remarry as some have wrongly assumed. I say this for several reasons: 1) The word “bondage” (v. 15, Gk. dedoulōtai from doulos) occurs in some form 133 times in the New Testament and is never used of the marriage bond. It speaks of slavery, not marriage. In this chapter, Paul always uses a different word (Gk. deo) when speaking of the marriage bond (vv. 27, 39; cf. Rom. 7:2). 2) Verse 15 literally says that the Christian “is not nor has he ever been under bondage (or, enslaved) (perfect indicative) in such cases (or, to such persons, cf. 1 Cor. 16:16; 2 The. 3:12).” This cannot refer to the marriage bond because the Christian is bound in marriage and is still bound in marriage to the non-Christian both before and after he leaves the marriage (cf. Rom. 7:2-3). 3) Such a teaching would contradict Jesus’ law of marriage, divorce, and remarriage in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (cf. Mark 10:11-12 which shows the same law would apply to a wife that divorces her husband). Notice, Jesus’ law applies to “whoever.” That’s everybody, including the Christian married to the non-Christian (cf. Mat. 28:18-20). Jesus said, “except for sexual immorality.” That means for this cause only; there can be no other exception. Paul could not have given those abandoned by their non-Christian spouses the right to divorce (except for sexual immorality) without contradicting Jesus Himself. He does give additional information from the Lord for those Christians who had questions about their marriages to non-Christians.
Christ died for our sins and rose again to set us free to live a new, abundant, and eternal life. We can only do that when we listen to Him and follow His words. Paul, His apostle, taught the sanctity of marriage just as the Lord did. Their teaching is very restrictive, but as it is with all of God’s commandments they are “for our good always” (Deu. 6:24). Paul teaches that we must not separate, leave, put away, or divorce, while Jesus gives the only exception: “for sexual immorality.” If we so sin, we must not seek another to marry but make every effort to be reconciled to our spouse. If our non-Christian spouse chooses to leave us, we must let them. We are not enslaved to them but must continue to faithfully follow the Lord.
Verses 17-40
Paul advised the Corinthians against marriage (vv. 25-40), but also to remain as they are regarding their marital status (vv. 17-24). This advice to not marry was inspired by the Holy Spirit because of the present distress and to keep them from being distracted in their service to the Lord (vv. 25-40). For these same reasons, Paul also advised them to remain as they are regarding their marital status, that is, if they are married, remain married; if they are unmarried, remain unmarried. He helped them to understand this by applying the same principle to circumcision and slavery (vv. 17-24). Whether one is married or not is no more a matter of salvation than whether one is circumcised or a slave. So, it is not necessary to change one’s marital status. This, of course, does not mean that one can enter into or remain in a sinful or unlawful marriage. No one has the right to disobey God’s law of marriage, divorce, and remarriage given by Jesus Himself (Mat. 19:9; Rom. 7:2-3; 1 Cor. 7). As Paul explained, what matters is “keeping the commandments of God” (v. 19).
Paul expressly taught the Corinthians that whether one chooses to marry or not to marry they do not sin (vv. 8-9, 25, 28, 36, 39-40). It is good for some to remain unmarried, and better for others to marry, but each one is free to choose for themselves. Unless, of course, as we mentioned above it would cause one to enter or remain in a marriage that was in violation of God’s law concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
Paul allowed remarriage, but there was a stipulation – “only in the Lord” (v. 39). Let’s notice first, that Paul addressed a widow whose husband was a Christian. This is indicated by the term translated “dies” (literally “fallen asleep”), used only of Christians in the New Testament. In this case she is free to remarry. This is consistent with what Paul wrote about marriage and remarriage in Romans 7:2-3. This is God’s law of marriage governing all persons not just Christians which goes back to the beginning long before Christ’s church existed. Therefore, though Paul was speaking of a specific case in 1 Corinthians 7, all persons who lose their spouses to death are free to remarry.
Second, let’s notice that though Paul allowed the widow to remarry, there was a stipulation – “only in the Lord.” This is an adverbial phrase modifying the verb “to be married.” It is not an adjectival phrase modifying the personal pronoun “whom.” It does not describe whom she must marry but how she must marry. Paul is not saying she must marry only a Christian but that she must marry only as a Christian (i.e., being faithful to Christ). She must not compromise her faith in the Lord nor violate His will to marry anyone. This, of course, is true not only regarding remarriage, but in all things, Christians must be faithful to Christ.
The prepositional phrase “in the Lord” is applied by Paul in this way (as an adverbial phrase modifying the verb) regarding many other things (e.g., Acts 14:3 “speaking boldly in the Lord;” Rom. 16:12 “labored in the Lord;” 1 Cor. 1:31 “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD;” 11:11 “neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord;” Eph. 6:1 where it modifies the verb obey, not the parents, as obedience to parents is required of children whether their parents are Christians or not, cf. Col. 3:20; Col. 3:18 where it modifies the verb submit, not the husband, as submitting to one’s husband is required of wives whether their husbands are Christians or not, cf. 1 Pet. 3:1-6; Rev. 14:13 “die in the Lord”). The Christian must be faithful to Christ in everything, including marriage.
There are those who insist Paul taught that no Christian can marry any non-Christian under any circumstances. Support for this view is sometimes based on 2 Corinthians 6:14ff. In this passage, Paul is not condemning any and all relationships with non-Christians (e.g., friendship like Jesus had with sinners, working together, conducting business, entering into contracts, playing on the same sports team) but being “unequally yoked” with them (i.e., so joined to them that we endorse, condone, support, or participate with them in their sinfulness, cf. John 17:11-19). Paul explicitly said to separate from such relationships (v. 17). This shows that Paul did not here forbid marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian. But rather in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, he commanded Christians not to leave their non-Christian spouses recognizing such marriages as acceptable (1 Cor. 7:12-14; cf. 1 Pet. 3:1). You cannot set what Paul taught in one place against what he taught in another place. If it is sinful to enter a marriage with a non-Christian, we can only logically conclude that it is sinful to remain in such a marriage. Since it is not sinful to remain in such a marriage, it cannot be sinful to enter such a marriage.
Finally, though one may not sin simply by marrying a non-Christian does not mean that it is necessarily wise to do so. Some believe that they will convert their non-Christian spouses, but Paul taught that they do not know if they will (1 Cor. 7:16). Marrying a non-Christian may make it more difficult for you to be a Christian and hinder your children from becoming or living as a Christian. Anyone considering marrying a non-Christian should consider the consequences of such a decision very carefully before entering such a relationship for the rest of their lives (Jam. 1:5).
Ephesians 5:22-33
In this chapter (and the next), the apostle Paul is teaching the church in Ephesus how to “submit to one another” in various relationships, as he writes in verse 21, “submitting to one another in the fear of God.” It is out of respect for God, that we humbly and lovingly are to submit to one another. This is the heart of a servant, best exemplified in Christ (Mat. 20:28). In the following verses, Paul teaches wives and husbands how they can best serve one another in marriage. He begins by addressing “wives” (vv. 22-24).
Paul taught the wife to submit to her husband just as the church is subject to Christ (vv. 22-24). According to Strong’s Greek the term translated “submit” means “to subordinate, to obey, be under obedience (obedient), put under, be subject, be in subjection, submit.” The common reaction to this teaching of Paul is to accuse him of chauvinism or cultural bias. But what he writes is a part of the Scriptures inspired by God. Therefore, to argue with Paul is to argue with God. The fact is that this teaching is based in God’s original design for marriage from the beginning. We already learned from Genesis 2 how that God made the man first (v. 7), the woman for the man (v. 18), the woman from the man (vv. 21-22), and that the woman was named by the man (v. 23). It was upon this basis that Paul argued for the submission of the wife to her husband. He uses the same basis to argue elsewhere for the submission of women in the church (1 Cor. 11:3, 8-9; 14:34-35; 1 Tim. 2:8-15).
The woman was made by God from the beginning to submit to her husband in marriage. After the woman and the man sinned, God told the woman, “Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). When you compare the language here with what God told Cain in the next chapter (4:6-7), you can understand that God was telling the woman that though she may desire to rule over her husband, he should rule over her. According to Strong’s Hebrew, the word translated “rule” means “to rule, have dominion, reign, have power.”
This is consistent with what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5, teaching the wife to submit to her husband just as the church is subject to Christ. Christ is Lord of the church, and the husband is her lord. According to Strong’s Greek, the term translated “Lord” means “supreme in authority, master, lord, sir.” Using this same word, Peter teaches a woman to submit to her husband as “lord” (1 Pet. 3:1-6). Paul tells us that Christ is also head of the church and the husband is her head. This figure illustrates the authority and power of a man to rule over his wife. Paul uses this same figure in 1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Here we see that Paul is not talking about superiority of being, but of the role or function each one is given by God. Just as Christ is equal to God but is given a submissive role to Him, so the woman is equal to the man but is given a submissive role to him.
The woman is to be subject to her husband “in everything” (Eph. 5:24). This does not mean that she should obey her husband if it would cause her to disobey God (v. 21; cf. Acts 4:19; 5:29). So, the woman will seek to submit to her husband in everything, but her first allegiance is to God who is the head of Christ who is the head of man. This is how a woman is to respect her husband (v. 33). According to Strong’s Greek, the word translated “respect” means “to fear, reverence.” The woman who fears God will submit to her husband out of respect for him as the one to whom God has given power and authority over her. This is how she best serves her husband to help him, support, and encourage him to be the leader God would have him to be. This is God’s commandment to the woman; it is not permission for a man to force his wife into subjection. He is not responsible for her actions, only for his own. So, let’s now consider what Paul writes to the “husbands.”
Paul taught the husband to love his wife just as Christ loved the church (vv. 25-33). A man is to love his wife. Most men will say they love their wives, but I fear that most men don’t know what that means. Rate your love for your wife according to how Paul defines love in 1 Corinthians 13, “Love suffers long [patient, never tired of waiting] and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up [no pride]; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own [unselfish], is not provoked [not quickly angered], thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears [quietly covers] all things, believes all things [not so suspicious and skeptical], hopes all things [has a positive outlook], endures all things [never gives up]. Love never fails [it is unending]” (vv. 4-8). From this definition we see that love is more of a verb than a noun. It is not just a feeling we have for our wives, but it is our attitude, how we treat our wives, and what we do for them. Jesus Christ is our example. We must love our wives just as Christ loved the church. Notice:
It is a giving love (v. 25). Jesus was sent from heaven to earth, to become a man so that He could redeem us from sin. This meant that He would have to suffer and die. It cost Him His life. He gave Himself for us as a sacrifice to God in payment for our sins because He loved us so (Eph. 5:2; cf. Gal. 2:20). This is the love that a man must have for his wife – an unselfish, sacrificial, giving love. Christ took the initiative. He did so voluntarily. And it didn’t matter how mistreated He was, He still loved us no matter what (Rom. 5:8; 1 John 4:19). Husbands, we cannot say, “Well, if she would submit to me, I would love her.” No, like Christ, we must love our wives even if we don’t get the respect, we think we deserve. A man must put his wife first and make whatever sacrifice is necessary for the good of his wife.
It is a sanctifying love (vv. 26-27). These verses speak of the purpose of Christ’s love for His church – to make her holy and glorious to Himself. He chose her out of the world to be His own special bride. The church belongs to Christ. He is our Savior and Lord. We have a relationship with Jesus that the rest of the world does not know or have with Him. Of course, the man cannot save his wife, only Jesus can do that, but she is to be to him that special one. He would make every effort to keep her and to rescue her from any trouble. He has chosen her over all others to be his wife and must have a special place in his heart for her that belongs to no other.
It is a nourishing and cherishing love (vv. 28-32). Here we see the closeness and care of Christ for His church. They are united together as one. Christ is the head; the church is His body. You cannot separate the two because they are one. The head will always care for the body as it would care for itself. So, a man will love his wife as his own body. He will want to care for her just as he would want to care for himself. To do any less would be to hate himself.
This loving care involves a man nourishing and cherishing his wife. To nourish is to feed. To cherish is to keep close and protect. These words speak of providing for her every need and protecting her from anything that might threaten her in any way. It would include the physical needs and protection but also her emotional (listen, spend time together), mental (resources and opportunities to learn), social (places to go, people to see, things to do), and spiritual (prayer, Bible study, church, good works) needs and protection. A man must pay careful attention to his wife because he is responsible for the welfare of her whole being (cf. 1 Pet. 3:7 “understanding” – knowledge, consideration; “honor” – respect, not take advantage, abuse; “joint heirs of grace of life” -- saved sinners; “prayers hindered” -- effects our relationship with God).
This is how a man is to love his wife (v. 33). God did not make the man head of his wife so that he could order her around to serve His needs and wants. With headship comes responsibility. His responsibility is to love his wife as Christ loved the church; to love his wife as he loves himself. It is to be a giving, sanctifying, nourishing and cherishing love.
Prayer: God bless our marriages. Help us to fulfill the roles you have given us as husbands and wives that we might show Christ, and His church, to this lost world, for your glory. In Jesus name, amen.
God loves you. He gave His Son for you. Will you return that love and give yourself to Him. Be united with Christ in baptism. Devote yourself to Him everyday and for all eternity. He will provide your every need and protect you from every danger. He will take you home to be with Him forever.
Written by Robert Dodson
Genesis 2:18-25
We begin in Genesis 2:18-25, where we read of the origin, design, and establishment of marriage by God. It was the sixth day of creation when God had made the first man, Adam, from the dust of the ground but had not yet made the woman. Let’s read it together and notice:
The man needed a helper (vv. 18-20). When you read Genesis 1 & 2, the words of 2:18 hit abruptly: “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Throughout chapter one, God surveys His work and pronounces it good (1:10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). This is the first time God says that something in His creation is not good. It is not that the man was not good but that it was not good for him to be alone.
He needed a helper. Not just any helper would do. None of the animals that God brought before Adam to name would do. No, Adam needed “a helper comparable to him.” The term translated “comparable to him” speaks of a counterpart, copartner, and companion to the man, corresponding to him, an alter ego suitable for him, supplementing or completing him.
God made the woman (vv. 21-23). Here we read of God performing the very first surgery. He put the man under anesthesia, removed “one of his ribs,” and then closed his side.
God then made this rib He had taken from the man into a woman. She was not made directly from the dust of the ground like the man (Gen 2:7), but rather directly from the man’s rib.
Finally, God brought her to the man just as he had previously brought the beasts and the birds. Adam immediately recognized that she was not like the animals that he had named. No, she was like him, as he said, “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh.” She was the same kind of being as he, a human being. That is why he named her woman. The Hebrew term for man is “ish” and for woman is “isha” (that is “ish” with a feminine ending). Genesis 1:27 tells us that God made man both male and female and here in chapter 2 we see how it was done by God. All this now brings us to our final point.
The two became one (vv. 24-25). In verse 24, Moses pauses the narrative to draw a conclusion. It would be like watching something on television and someone pushes the pause button to make a statement about it. Here Moses laid down the foundation for the establishment of the divine institution of marriage for all people of all ages.
What is said here was not just for Adam, as it mentions leaving father and mother which he did not have. We can also read what Jesus said about this verse in Matthew 19:4-6. When the Pharisees, a Jewish sect of His day, came to ask Him about divorce, Jesus went directly to Genesis 2:24 to answer their question, indicating that what was said there was applicable to all people from the beginning until His day. Jesus also attributed these words to God Himself and added His own words making a further application of it for us all who live in this final age of the gospel of Jesus Christ which will continue until the end of the world.
Marriage involves three things: 1) a leaving. This implies an intention to establish one’s own new home that must take priority over one’s former home. 2) a joining. The term translated “joined” means to cling to; adhere. This speaks of an exclusive, continual, and unbreakable commitment to each other as husband and wife. 3) a uniting. The phrase “one flesh” should not be taken literally, as it is used by Paul to speak of sexual relations in 1 Cor. 6:15-17 and it is clear that sexual relations don’t make a marriage, but as a metaphor for marriage because the union is so close, intimate, and inseparable it is as though the two are one body or one person. As we read before what Jesus said in Matthew 19:6, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” God is the One that unites a man and a woman in marriage, not the preacher or the justice who may pronounce them married. No man has authority of his own, nor court or decree of man has the authority of its own, to separate a marriage.
In verse 25, Moses returns to the narrative. This verse speaks of the innocence of the man and the woman before partaking of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It also reminds us that intimate sexual relationships are not shameful in marriage, but only when such conduct is performed outside of marriage (cf. 1 Cor. 7:1-5; Heb. 13:4).
Here are four things I want you to take from this lesson: 1) Marriage is “good,” though sometimes it is “better” to remain unmarried (1 Cor. 7). 2) Marriage is the union of one man and one woman. Anything different from that, such as polygamy or a homosexual union, is a perversion of God’s design for marriage from the beginning. 3) The woman is not inferior to the man – they are equals, both human beings created in the image of God. But the man is the head of the woman as is evidenced by these four things – the man was made before the woman, the woman was made for and of the man, the man named the woman. Each of these things emphasize the authority of the man over the woman as is argued by the apostle Paul in the New Testament (1 Cor. 11:3-12; 14:34-35; Eph. 5:21-33; Colossians 3:18; 1 Timothy 2:8-15). 4) Marriage is a covenant (contract, agreement) made between a man and a woman before God (Mal. 2:14; Pro. 2:17).
Marriage was born in a world without sin, but it strives to survive in a world of sin. As we continue this study, we will see how that the Bible addresses the effect of sin upon marriage and applies the law of God concerning marriage to Israel under the law of Moses and to all who live in this age of the gospel. But before we leave this message there is one more thing I must say. It comes from the apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33 where he teaches us that marriage is more than the foundation for our society, it is a picture of Christ and His church. Christ loved us and sacrificed His very life to make us His bride. We are drawn to Him and leave our former life to make a new life with Him. When you put your faith in Christ as Lord and Savior, the Son of God, turn from sin, and upon your confession of that faith are immersed for the remission of your sins – God unites you to Christ. Have you committed yourself to Jesus as His bride? He wants you to become one with Him. Don’t reject His proposal. Are you faithful to Him as the bride of Christ? Hear His plea to come back home to Him. Don’t harden your heart, come to Him, today!
Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Matthew 5:31-32, & 19:3-9
The words of Matthew 5:31-32 come from Jesus’ famous sermon on the mount. Jesus began His sermon emphasizing the heartbeat of His kingdom, describing the heart of those who make up His kingdom – the humble, penitent, obedient, those craving righteousness, the merciful, pure, peacemakers, those persecuted for Christ’s sake. Jesus spoke of their impact upon the world as a preserving influence shining the light of Christ so that God might be glorified. Then, He began to specifically help them to see what true righteousness really looks like. This was necessary because the scribes and Pharisees, the Jewish leaders of His day, had completely corrupted the law that God had given them through Moses. Jesus explained that He had not come to destroy the law but to fulfill it. It had pointed to Him, His new kingdom, His new covenant. Jesus gave six statements that begin with the phrase “you have heard that it was said” and then adds “but I say to you” drawing a clear contrast between what the scribes and Pharisees taught about the law and what He would teach about the law. Matthew 5:31-32 is the third of these statements.
God’s law through Moses was not intended to encourage divorce but to discourage it. Jesus said, “Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’” (Mat. 5:31). This was an allusion to Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Many of the Jewish leaders understood this law to authorize divorce for any cause, but it was actually intended to discourage divorce. Notice, the law did not command, institute, endorse, approve, authorize divorce but it regulated divorce in order to discourage it and to protect the women who were being divorced. According to the law, if a man divorced his wife, she married another man, and he divorced her or he died, her first husband could not take her back again to be his wife. The law called this an “abomination” and “sin” because the woman who was divorced and remarried “has been defiled.” Elsewhere in the law, the word “defiled” was used to describe one who is guilty of adultery (Lev. 18:20; Num. 5:13-14). This should have caused the man to think twice about divorcing his wife knowing that he was causing her to commit adultery and that he could never take her back again after she remarried. “Far from providing authority for divorce, Deuteronomy 24 was intended to be a limitation on divorce—an attempt to minimize and lessen its frequency. In the process, it served as a measure designed to address the mistreatment of women: ‘It prevented the husband from later claiming rights over this ex-wife.’” (Dave Miller quoting Jack Lewis, “Did Jesus Disagree With Moses On Divorce?” Apologetics Press)
Jesus applied the true meaning of the law to all people, emphasizing the only lawful reason for divorce. Jesus said, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery” (Mat. 5:32). Here Jesus makes it clear that those men who divorced their wives were actually causing their wives and those who married them to commit adultery. There was only one exception to the rule: sexual immorality.
We learn more about Jesus’ teaching on this matter in Matthew 19:3-12. Notice: 1) Jesus made it clear that the idea that one could divorce his wife for any reason was inconsistent with what God had said in the beginning. Nobody has the right to separate what God has joined together, unless He gives His approval to do so. This coincides with Malachi 2:16 “For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce.” 2) The Jews were hard hearted (i.e., impenitent, rebellious). They were divorcing their wives in disobedience to God’s will. God didn’t stop them from divorcing their wives, but He did try to discourage it with the legislation in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. 3) Jesus’ use of the perfect tense in Matthew 19:8 indicates that the idea that one could divorce his wife for every cause has not been so from the beginning until now. God’s law from the beginning regarding marriage has never been abrogated nor superseded, but continues in force. In other words, the sole exception, the only ground for legitimate divorce from the Garden of Eden to our present day, has always been sexual immorality.
Jesus said, "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Mat. 19:9). Notice exactly what Jesus said: 1) “And I say unto you.” It is His words, not just the words of Moses. 2) He said, “Whosoever.” This law is not just for Israel but for anyone and everyone in the world. 3) He said, “except.” That means for this reason and only for this reason, there are no other exceptions. 4) He said, “for sexual immorality.” That means “every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse” (BDAG). It is to “know” another in the biblical sense of the word, including a heterosexual, homosexual, or bestial relationship. 5) He said, “commits adultery." Some want to get around what Jesus says by trying to redefine adultery as mere covenant breaking. They tell us that adultery is simply divorcing and remarrying, and once remarried the man and the woman can stay in the second marriage without committing adultery. Nothing could be further from the truth (cf. Heb. 13:4). The word adultery always refers to sexual activity by a married person with someone other than that person’s spouse (except when it is used figuratively of God’s people being unfaithful to Him by going after other gods). Consider the woman “caught in adultery, in the very act” (John 8:4). Was she caught divorcing and remarrying somebody? No! We know what she was caught doing! She was caught having sex with someone other than her husband. Notice also that Jesus spoke of a divorce that was not for sexual immorality; therefore, the remarriage was in violation of His law. Therefore, any sexual relations between the man and the woman in such an unlawful marriage would constitute adultery. Jesus uses the aorist tense (point action) when speaking of divorce and remarriage, but the present tense (continual action) when speaking of adultery. Do you remember what John told Herod about his marriage to his brother Philip’s wife? Mark 6:18 “For John had said to Herod, 'It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife.'” He did not just say it was unlawful for him to divorce his wife and marry his brother’s, but to have her. He couldn’t stay in that relationship because it was unlawful. Why? Because she wasn’t his wife, she was his brother’s wife. She was still bound in marriage by God to Philip. Herod should have given her up because she did not belong to him. In a similar manner, if we violate Jesus’ law of divorce and remarriage, and if we truly want to repent and be right with God, we cannot continue in the unlawful marriage (cf. Rom. 7:2-3).
The disciples of Jesus reacted to His law. His disciples said to Him, "If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry" (Mat. 19:10). They were taken back by the strictness of Jesus’ law and argued it would be better not to marry than to have no way out of a marriage, except for sexual immorality. Many today still find Jesus’ law difficult to accept. But the disciples’ suggestion to not marry is even more difficult for most.
Jesus responded to their reaction. "But He said to them, 'All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it'" (Mat. 19:11-12). Jesus pointed out that though some might be able to accept their argument that it is better not to marry, for others that is not an option they can accept. We already learned from Genesis 2 how that in the beginning God created the woman for the man because it was not good for him to be alone. Only some men are born impotent, others may be operated on by men, and still others may exercise self-control in this regard for the sake of God’s kingdom (Paul did so and discusses this in 1 Corinthians 7). But for most it is better to marry. Notice also that the objection of the disciples did not cause Jesus to change His law and make it less restrictive. If we are going to marry, we must abide by His law.
It may be that you are in an unlawful marriage and are guilty of adultery. God teaches you to repent, get out of it, and get right with God (cf. Mat. 14:4). It may be that you are divorced. God teaches you to remain unmarried and if possible be reconciled to your spouse (cf. 1 Cor. 7:10-11). It may be that you are married. God teaches you to prevent divorce by fulfilling your responsibilities to your spouse (cf. Eph. 5:22-33). The most important thing that any of us can do is to keep God in the center of our homes and Jesus as Lord of our hearts and our life.
As long as we remain hard-hearted and refuse to repent, we will find ourselves at odds with God and continually headed into destruction (Luke 13:3). Whoever you are you can know that God loves you (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8). There is help and hope for those who will come humbly and trust God with their broken lives. Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart-These, O God, You will not despise.” Day by day, year by year He is able to help you put the pieces back together again and to build a new life. We must continue to speak the truth in love, because it is only the truth that can set us free from sin and bless our lives.
1 Corinthians 7:1-40
In this chapter Paul gave concessions, commands, and judgments. He also talked about what he wishes for us, and about what is good and what is better. We must be careful: 1) to distinguish between these things, and 2) also recognize that what Paul wrote in this chapter is not human opinion, but the words of a God-inspired apostle of Jesus Christ (1:1; 14:37; cf. 7:6-10, 17, 19, 25-26, 28, 35-40). As “All Scripture,” 1 Corinthians 7 “is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
Verses 1-9
This chapter is part of a letter by Paul to the troubled church in Corinth written in response to a letter they had written to him. We do not have that letter so when we read Paul’s response it is kind of like listening to one side of a phone conversation. You can only surmise what was in their letter by what Paul said in his. Sometimes it appears that he is quoting what they said in their letter and then commenting on it. Notice, verse 1, “Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch [euphemism for sexual intercourse] a woman.” Apparently, the Corinthian brethren were encouraging celibacy. Here is Paul’s response.
Paul pointed out the sin of sexual immorality that is often associated with celibacy (v. 2a). This has been particularly demonstrated in churches that require celibacy. Horrible stories have been reported in the past of babies born out of wedlock hidden in the walls of these churches. Still today we have seen how that such places often become breeding grounds for homosexuality and pedophilia. The apostle Paul warned that “some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons, speaking lies in hypocrisy, having their own conscience seared with a hot iron, forbidding to marry” (1 Tim. 4:1-3). Sexual immoralities (Greek is plural) are one of the evil consequences of such a practice.
Paul told them to allow a man and a woman to fulfill their desires for one another in marriage, but he did not command marriage (vv. 2b-6). God said from the beginning that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18). That is why God made the woman for the man and brought them together as husband and wife (vv. 21-24). Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
It appears that the Corinthian brethren were arguing for celibacy even for those who were married, but Paul reminded them that the husband and wife belong to each other and that they must not deprive one another. This does not allow mates to exploit or abuse one another sexually but calls for mutual consideration. Each one should seek to understand and to fulfill the needs of the other. It must not be what do I want, but what does my mate need from me. This makes their coming together a blessed and beautiful expression of their love and care for one another that will only strengthen their bond as husband and wife.
Paul did give an exception here: “except by consent.” There were qualifications put on this consent: 1) “for a time” – this is not for an indefinite undecided period but a fixed, definite time that both agree upon. 2) “that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer” – this is for a greater spiritual purpose, not upon our own whims. Marriage is important but our relationship with God is even more important. Of course, there are health problems and other things beyond our control that might keep a husband and wife from coming together but Paul is speaking generally here. 3) “and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” – this is not to be a permanent separation.
These words from Paul are still quite relevant today. In our busy world, we must be careful not to forget or neglect our marriages in this regard. Also, do not misunderstand Paul. He did not command anyone to get married, nor did he command anyone to deprive their spouse for a time of fasting and prayer. But if you choose to marry or need to take time for fasting and prayer, you may. Both things are permitted but no one is bound to do either. Paul made it clear, “I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.”
Paul wished that all were willing and able like him to remain celibate (v. 7). When Paul wrote this letter, he was single. He may have been married before (cf. Acts 26:10 may indicate he was a member of the Sanhedrin council, and such members were normally married). If so, he was divorced or a widow when he wrote this letter.
Later in this chapter Paul explained why he desired this for them all (vv. 25-40). Here he shared his inspired wisdom; he was advising them about what would be good for them, but still allowing them to make their own decision in this matter (vv. 25, 40). He expressly said that whether they chose to marry or not to marry they did not sin (vv. 28, 36).
There were two reasons why he advised them against marriage: 1) He wanted to spare them trouble in the flesh during the present distress (vv. 26-28). This is a reference to persecution that would be even more painful to endure for those who were married. If one were on his own, he would not suffer any anguish over a wife, or children that he might have in that marriage. 2) He wanted them to be without care to serve the Lord without distraction (vv. 29-40). He reminded them that their time here was short; that they should consider nothing here as permanent; that they should live their lives for the Lord. The married are at a disadvantage in this regard: “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world--how he may please his wife” (vv. 32-33). He added, “And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction” (v. 35). And to the widow he said, “she is happier if she remains as she is [i.e., unmarried]” (v. 40).
These are still good arguments to be made for living a celibate life, and those who choose to do so for the Lord’s sake should be highly commended for their sacrifice and their dedication to Christ. But as we may learn from Jesus in Matthew 19: 10-12, and as Paul admitted here in our text, not everyone is gifted to forgo marriage.
Paul agreed with the Corinthian brethren that it is “good” for the unmarried and the widows to remain celibate, but he also concludes that it is “better” to marry than to burn with passion. The phrase “with passion” is not in the Greek but added here by the NKJV (as is indicated by the italics) to give the sense of this passage. It brings us back to where he began with the problem of sexual immorality. If their lust (which can powerfully rage within) cannot be kept in check, let them marry. It is not sinful to marry but it is sinful to commit sexual immorality. Therefore, marriage is the better (more advantageous) choice for them. Consider Paul’s advice to the younger widows to marry because they desire to marry and lest they become idle, gossips, and busybodies (1 Tim. 5:11-15).
Some individuals have taken Paul’s words here out of context and misapplied this passage to justify entering and remaining in unlawful marriages. They argue that though Jesus said to divorce (without the exception for fornication) and remarry is adultery, Paul said it is better for them to marry than to burn with passion. It is a foolish mistake to set Paul against Jesus. Adultery is no better than sexual immorality. Both are sin. No man, not even an apostle like Paul, has the right to set aside Jesus’ law. Rather, Paul’s words must be qualified by Jesus’ law of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. If not, it becomes completely irrelevant and unnecessary. Can we use our lack of self-control to justify gluttony, rape, or murder? Of course, not. So then how can we use it to justify what Jesus calls adultery? “Just go ahead, divorce, marry somebody else, even if you violate Jesus’ law because Paul said it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” “Certainly not! Indeed, let God be true but every man a liar” (Rom. 3:9).
Verses 10-16
Let’s first notice the way Paul began this section “Now to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord.” Paul simply wanted them to know that what he was writing here, the Lord had already spoken Himself when He was on the earth. Jesus clearly taught that a husband and wife are not to “separate” (Mat. 19:6, Gk. chorizo). Jesus used the same word that Paul used in this passage translated “depart.” The word means “to place room between, i.e. part; reflexively, to go away:--depart, put asunder, separate” (Strong’s Greek). This word not only includes leaving/deserting a spouse but also divorcing (Gk. apoluo “from apo and luo; to free fully, i.e. (literally) relieve, release, dismiss (reflexively, depart), or (figuratively) let die, pardon or (specially) divorce -- (let) depart, dismiss, divorce, forgive, let go, loose, put (send) away, release, set at liberty” and apostasion “neuter of a (presumed) adjective from a derivative of aphistemi; properly, something separative, i.e. (specially) divorce -- (writing of) divorcement”) (Strong’s Greek) a spouse (that was the subject of Jesus’ discussion in Matthew 19:3-12). Paul also used another word translated “divorce” (Gk. aphiemi). This word comes from apo and hiemi, which means “(to send; an intensive form of eimi), to go; to send forth, in various applications including forsake, leave, put (send) away” (Strong’s Greek). So, we have several different words which may be used for leaving/deserting, putting away, or divorcing one’s spouse. What did Paul say about these things?
A wife is not to “depart” from her husband and a husband is not to “divorce” his wife (vv. 10-11). To do so (without the exception of sexual immorality that Jesus gave in Matthew 19:9) is sin. Some have the idea that they can separate, leave, put away, or divorce their mate as long as they don’t marry another, but Paul made it clear that all of these things are forbidden by God, just as Jesus had taught when He said, “what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mat. 19:6).
But what should such a person do if he has already committed such sin? “[R]emain unmarried (i.e., to anyone else) or (i.e., and make every effort possible to) be reconciled to her husband (indicating she is still bound to him as his wife by God's law)." As we learn from Romans 7:2-3, such persons are still bound to each other as husband and wife by God’s law of marriage and to contract another marriage would be to commit the further sin of adultery and undermine any hopes for reconciliation.
Let me take just a moment to address some who have misunderstood or misapplied these verses to those who are abused in their marriages. Such people may call upon the government to have their spouse arrested. Some out of self defense may have to leave the house and/or hide from their abusers. They may have to harm, even kill their abusers in an act of self-defense. Paul’s words did not forbid someone from protecting themselves but from ever “walking out” on their marriage (i.e., being husband or wife to your spouse). Even if you are being abused you must never give up on your marriage but continue to pray for, do what you can for, and try to get help for your abusive spouse and your marriage.
A Christian is not allowed to “divorce” a non-Christian if the non-Christian is willing to live with the Christian (vv. 12-14). Notice, Paul began this section differently than he did in the previous section. Instead of “Now to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord”, he wrote, “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say.” Jesus did not speak of the things Paul discussed here when He was on the earth. This does not mean that what Paul said is not from the Lord because Paul is writing as an apostle to whom Jesus had by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit revealed these things (1 Cor. 1:1; 14:37; cf. Gal. 1:1, 11-12). Paul’s words here are just as true and authoritative as what Jesus taught while on earth. Paul did not and could not contradict what Jesus had already spoken, but simply provided us with additional information from the Lord as he did in all his inspired writings. Notice, these words are directed “to the rest,” that is the rest of the married which are identified as believers married to unbelievers (i.e., Christians married to non-Christians, cf. vv. 14-16 – brother, saved vs unbeliever; 1 Cor. 6:6; 10:27; 14:22-24 church vs unbeliever vs convicted, converted, worshipper). Not all who believe are Christians but only true believers who have obeyed the gospel repenting of their sins, confessing their faith, and being baptized for the remission of sins (Mat. 28:19; Mark 16:15-16; John 3:5; 12:42-43; Acts 2:38-41, 47; 11:26; 22:16; 26:27-29; Rom. 6:3-4; 1 Cor. 12:13; Gal. 3:26-27; 1 Pet. 4:16). Such marriages did not exist while Jesus was on the earth which may explain why He did not specifically speak to such marriages.
Paul taught that a Christian is not allowed to leave/desert, put away, or divorce a non-Christian if the non-Christian is willing to live with the Christian. God’s law for marriage, divorce, and remarriage is just the same for these marriages as for all others. Marriage was instituted from the beginning for all people, long before Christians and the church. It is not an institution just for the church but for all of society. When Paul said that a Christian is not permitted to leave the non-Christian, this implied that the marriage was recognized and acceptable to God. If a marriage is acceptable, then so are the children of such a marriage. As Paul added, “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy” (v. 14). The Christian is God’s means of calling by the gospel the non-Christian spouse and the children unto Himself in faith. However, Paul realized that the non-Christian may not be content to live with the Christian and may attempt to leave the marriage. What then?
If a non-Christian “departs,” the Christian is to let him depart; the Christian is “not under bondage” in such cases (vv. 15-16). Under these circumstances, the Christian is to allow the non-Christian to depart the marriage; he is not enslaved to the non-Christian. He must not compromise his faith to persuade the non-Christian to stay with him nor should the Christian in any way force the non-Christian to remain in the marriage. The Christian has been called by God to live in peace and cannot know whether he will be able to save the non-Christian.
This does not mean that the Christian is no longer bound in marriage to the non-Christian, and thus, free to remarry as some have wrongly assumed. I say this for several reasons: 1) The word “bondage” (v. 15, Gk. dedoulōtai from doulos) occurs in some form 133 times in the New Testament and is never used of the marriage bond. It speaks of slavery, not marriage. In this chapter, Paul always uses a different word (Gk. deo) when speaking of the marriage bond (vv. 27, 39; cf. Rom. 7:2). 2) Verse 15 literally says that the Christian “is not nor has he ever been under bondage (or, enslaved) (perfect indicative) in such cases (or, to such persons, cf. 1 Cor. 16:16; 2 The. 3:12).” This cannot refer to the marriage bond because the Christian is bound in marriage and is still bound in marriage to the non-Christian both before and after he leaves the marriage (cf. Rom. 7:2-3). 3) Such a teaching would contradict Jesus’ law of marriage, divorce, and remarriage in Matthew 19:9, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (cf. Mark 10:11-12 which shows the same law would apply to a wife that divorces her husband). Notice, Jesus’ law applies to “whoever.” That’s everybody, including the Christian married to the non-Christian (cf. Mat. 28:18-20). Jesus said, “except for sexual immorality.” That means for this cause only; there can be no other exception. Paul could not have given those abandoned by their non-Christian spouses the right to divorce (except for sexual immorality) without contradicting Jesus Himself. He does give additional information from the Lord for those Christians who had questions about their marriages to non-Christians.
Christ died for our sins and rose again to set us free to live a new, abundant, and eternal life. We can only do that when we listen to Him and follow His words. Paul, His apostle, taught the sanctity of marriage just as the Lord did. Their teaching is very restrictive, but as it is with all of God’s commandments they are “for our good always” (Deu. 6:24). Paul teaches that we must not separate, leave, put away, or divorce, while Jesus gives the only exception: “for sexual immorality.” If we so sin, we must not seek another to marry but make every effort to be reconciled to our spouse. If our non-Christian spouse chooses to leave us, we must let them. We are not enslaved to them but must continue to faithfully follow the Lord.
Verses 17-40
Paul advised the Corinthians against marriage (vv. 25-40), but also to remain as they are regarding their marital status (vv. 17-24). This advice to not marry was inspired by the Holy Spirit because of the present distress and to keep them from being distracted in their service to the Lord (vv. 25-40). For these same reasons, Paul also advised them to remain as they are regarding their marital status, that is, if they are married, remain married; if they are unmarried, remain unmarried. He helped them to understand this by applying the same principle to circumcision and slavery (vv. 17-24). Whether one is married or not is no more a matter of salvation than whether one is circumcised or a slave. So, it is not necessary to change one’s marital status. This, of course, does not mean that one can enter into or remain in a sinful or unlawful marriage. No one has the right to disobey God’s law of marriage, divorce, and remarriage given by Jesus Himself (Mat. 19:9; Rom. 7:2-3; 1 Cor. 7). As Paul explained, what matters is “keeping the commandments of God” (v. 19).
Paul expressly taught the Corinthians that whether one chooses to marry or not to marry they do not sin (vv. 8-9, 25, 28, 36, 39-40). It is good for some to remain unmarried, and better for others to marry, but each one is free to choose for themselves. Unless, of course, as we mentioned above it would cause one to enter or remain in a marriage that was in violation of God’s law concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
Paul allowed remarriage, but there was a stipulation – “only in the Lord” (v. 39). Let’s notice first, that Paul addressed a widow whose husband was a Christian. This is indicated by the term translated “dies” (literally “fallen asleep”), used only of Christians in the New Testament. In this case she is free to remarry. This is consistent with what Paul wrote about marriage and remarriage in Romans 7:2-3. This is God’s law of marriage governing all persons not just Christians which goes back to the beginning long before Christ’s church existed. Therefore, though Paul was speaking of a specific case in 1 Corinthians 7, all persons who lose their spouses to death are free to remarry.
Second, let’s notice that though Paul allowed the widow to remarry, there was a stipulation – “only in the Lord.” This is an adverbial phrase modifying the verb “to be married.” It is not an adjectival phrase modifying the personal pronoun “whom.” It does not describe whom she must marry but how she must marry. Paul is not saying she must marry only a Christian but that she must marry only as a Christian (i.e., being faithful to Christ). She must not compromise her faith in the Lord nor violate His will to marry anyone. This, of course, is true not only regarding remarriage, but in all things, Christians must be faithful to Christ.
The prepositional phrase “in the Lord” is applied by Paul in this way (as an adverbial phrase modifying the verb) regarding many other things (e.g., Acts 14:3 “speaking boldly in the Lord;” Rom. 16:12 “labored in the Lord;” 1 Cor. 1:31 “He who glories, let him glory in the LORD;” 11:11 “neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord;” Eph. 6:1 where it modifies the verb obey, not the parents, as obedience to parents is required of children whether their parents are Christians or not, cf. Col. 3:20; Col. 3:18 where it modifies the verb submit, not the husband, as submitting to one’s husband is required of wives whether their husbands are Christians or not, cf. 1 Pet. 3:1-6; Rev. 14:13 “die in the Lord”). The Christian must be faithful to Christ in everything, including marriage.
There are those who insist Paul taught that no Christian can marry any non-Christian under any circumstances. Support for this view is sometimes based on 2 Corinthians 6:14ff. In this passage, Paul is not condemning any and all relationships with non-Christians (e.g., friendship like Jesus had with sinners, working together, conducting business, entering into contracts, playing on the same sports team) but being “unequally yoked” with them (i.e., so joined to them that we endorse, condone, support, or participate with them in their sinfulness, cf. John 17:11-19). Paul explicitly said to separate from such relationships (v. 17). This shows that Paul did not here forbid marriage of a Christian to a non-Christian. But rather in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, he commanded Christians not to leave their non-Christian spouses recognizing such marriages as acceptable (1 Cor. 7:12-14; cf. 1 Pet. 3:1). You cannot set what Paul taught in one place against what he taught in another place. If it is sinful to enter a marriage with a non-Christian, we can only logically conclude that it is sinful to remain in such a marriage. Since it is not sinful to remain in such a marriage, it cannot be sinful to enter such a marriage.
Finally, though one may not sin simply by marrying a non-Christian does not mean that it is necessarily wise to do so. Some believe that they will convert their non-Christian spouses, but Paul taught that they do not know if they will (1 Cor. 7:16). Marrying a non-Christian may make it more difficult for you to be a Christian and hinder your children from becoming or living as a Christian. Anyone considering marrying a non-Christian should consider the consequences of such a decision very carefully before entering such a relationship for the rest of their lives (Jam. 1:5).
Ephesians 5:22-33
In this chapter (and the next), the apostle Paul is teaching the church in Ephesus how to “submit to one another” in various relationships, as he writes in verse 21, “submitting to one another in the fear of God.” It is out of respect for God, that we humbly and lovingly are to submit to one another. This is the heart of a servant, best exemplified in Christ (Mat. 20:28). In the following verses, Paul teaches wives and husbands how they can best serve one another in marriage. He begins by addressing “wives” (vv. 22-24).
Paul taught the wife to submit to her husband just as the church is subject to Christ (vv. 22-24). According to Strong’s Greek the term translated “submit” means “to subordinate, to obey, be under obedience (obedient), put under, be subject, be in subjection, submit.” The common reaction to this teaching of Paul is to accuse him of chauvinism or cultural bias. But what he writes is a part of the Scriptures inspired by God. Therefore, to argue with Paul is to argue with God. The fact is that this teaching is based in God’s original design for marriage from the beginning. We already learned from Genesis 2 how that God made the man first (v. 7), the woman for the man (v. 18), the woman from the man (vv. 21-22), and that the woman was named by the man (v. 23). It was upon this basis that Paul argued for the submission of the wife to her husband. He uses the same basis to argue elsewhere for the submission of women in the church (1 Cor. 11:3, 8-9; 14:34-35; 1 Tim. 2:8-15).
The woman was made by God from the beginning to submit to her husband in marriage. After the woman and the man sinned, God told the woman, “Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). When you compare the language here with what God told Cain in the next chapter (4:6-7), you can understand that God was telling the woman that though she may desire to rule over her husband, he should rule over her. According to Strong’s Hebrew, the word translated “rule” means “to rule, have dominion, reign, have power.”
This is consistent with what Paul wrote in Ephesians 5, teaching the wife to submit to her husband just as the church is subject to Christ. Christ is Lord of the church, and the husband is her lord. According to Strong’s Greek, the term translated “Lord” means “supreme in authority, master, lord, sir.” Using this same word, Peter teaches a woman to submit to her husband as “lord” (1 Pet. 3:1-6). Paul tells us that Christ is also head of the church and the husband is her head. This figure illustrates the authority and power of a man to rule over his wife. Paul uses this same figure in 1 Corinthians 11:3 “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” Here we see that Paul is not talking about superiority of being, but of the role or function each one is given by God. Just as Christ is equal to God but is given a submissive role to Him, so the woman is equal to the man but is given a submissive role to him.
The woman is to be subject to her husband “in everything” (Eph. 5:24). This does not mean that she should obey her husband if it would cause her to disobey God (v. 21; cf. Acts 4:19; 5:29). So, the woman will seek to submit to her husband in everything, but her first allegiance is to God who is the head of Christ who is the head of man. This is how a woman is to respect her husband (v. 33). According to Strong’s Greek, the word translated “respect” means “to fear, reverence.” The woman who fears God will submit to her husband out of respect for him as the one to whom God has given power and authority over her. This is how she best serves her husband to help him, support, and encourage him to be the leader God would have him to be. This is God’s commandment to the woman; it is not permission for a man to force his wife into subjection. He is not responsible for her actions, only for his own. So, let’s now consider what Paul writes to the “husbands.”
Paul taught the husband to love his wife just as Christ loved the church (vv. 25-33). A man is to love his wife. Most men will say they love their wives, but I fear that most men don’t know what that means. Rate your love for your wife according to how Paul defines love in 1 Corinthians 13, “Love suffers long [patient, never tired of waiting] and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up [no pride]; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own [unselfish], is not provoked [not quickly angered], thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears [quietly covers] all things, believes all things [not so suspicious and skeptical], hopes all things [has a positive outlook], endures all things [never gives up]. Love never fails [it is unending]” (vv. 4-8). From this definition we see that love is more of a verb than a noun. It is not just a feeling we have for our wives, but it is our attitude, how we treat our wives, and what we do for them. Jesus Christ is our example. We must love our wives just as Christ loved the church. Notice:
It is a giving love (v. 25). Jesus was sent from heaven to earth, to become a man so that He could redeem us from sin. This meant that He would have to suffer and die. It cost Him His life. He gave Himself for us as a sacrifice to God in payment for our sins because He loved us so (Eph. 5:2; cf. Gal. 2:20). This is the love that a man must have for his wife – an unselfish, sacrificial, giving love. Christ took the initiative. He did so voluntarily. And it didn’t matter how mistreated He was, He still loved us no matter what (Rom. 5:8; 1 John 4:19). Husbands, we cannot say, “Well, if she would submit to me, I would love her.” No, like Christ, we must love our wives even if we don’t get the respect, we think we deserve. A man must put his wife first and make whatever sacrifice is necessary for the good of his wife.
It is a sanctifying love (vv. 26-27). These verses speak of the purpose of Christ’s love for His church – to make her holy and glorious to Himself. He chose her out of the world to be His own special bride. The church belongs to Christ. He is our Savior and Lord. We have a relationship with Jesus that the rest of the world does not know or have with Him. Of course, the man cannot save his wife, only Jesus can do that, but she is to be to him that special one. He would make every effort to keep her and to rescue her from any trouble. He has chosen her over all others to be his wife and must have a special place in his heart for her that belongs to no other.
It is a nourishing and cherishing love (vv. 28-32). Here we see the closeness and care of Christ for His church. They are united together as one. Christ is the head; the church is His body. You cannot separate the two because they are one. The head will always care for the body as it would care for itself. So, a man will love his wife as his own body. He will want to care for her just as he would want to care for himself. To do any less would be to hate himself.
This loving care involves a man nourishing and cherishing his wife. To nourish is to feed. To cherish is to keep close and protect. These words speak of providing for her every need and protecting her from anything that might threaten her in any way. It would include the physical needs and protection but also her emotional (listen, spend time together), mental (resources and opportunities to learn), social (places to go, people to see, things to do), and spiritual (prayer, Bible study, church, good works) needs and protection. A man must pay careful attention to his wife because he is responsible for the welfare of her whole being (cf. 1 Pet. 3:7 “understanding” – knowledge, consideration; “honor” – respect, not take advantage, abuse; “joint heirs of grace of life” -- saved sinners; “prayers hindered” -- effects our relationship with God).
This is how a man is to love his wife (v. 33). God did not make the man head of his wife so that he could order her around to serve His needs and wants. With headship comes responsibility. His responsibility is to love his wife as Christ loved the church; to love his wife as he loves himself. It is to be a giving, sanctifying, nourishing and cherishing love.
Prayer: God bless our marriages. Help us to fulfill the roles you have given us as husbands and wives that we might show Christ, and His church, to this lost world, for your glory. In Jesus name, amen.
God loves you. He gave His Son for you. Will you return that love and give yourself to Him. Be united with Christ in baptism. Devote yourself to Him everyday and for all eternity. He will provide your every need and protect you from every danger. He will take you home to be with Him forever.
Written by Robert Dodson
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